I spent six straight hours playing this game to procrastinate on making a phone call, which I was in turn using to procrastinate on writing this review, which I was using to procrastinate on working on my novel, which I am using to stave off the knowledge that my hair is going grey, death is inevitable, and I will be gone before I ever even existed.

Baby, I don’t need a simulator. I’m living the artistic dream.

/sobbing

It’s obvious from my play time alone that I thoroughly enjoy this game. Gameplay and story-wise, it’s more akin to a digital board game than a traditional simulation game. Much of the strategy and gameplay centre around how to invest limited resources and limited actions to create a stable but growing loop. The game presents a fair few ways to invest these, whether they be in chatting with other people, staving off poverty, exploring the city, or - if you’re fortunate - painting. The subjects for paintings are drawn from the artist’s experiences, friends, and surroundings, with each providing some measure of value to the painting. Experiences that have had time and thought invested into them create better paintings, and vice versa.

And, oh, there are so many vices to versa.

I don’t have a problem. You have a problem.

What makes Artist Life Simulator so much fun isn’t complex mechanics or puzzles. Indeed, I’m six hours in and have staved off death multiple times, but still have no clear idea of how to actually win. In other games, I’d consider this a flaw in game design, where that inability to see what this is all leading to makes the game feel tedious and pointless. Except, this is specifically an artist simulator. It is perfectly on-brand for me to be churning out shoddy paintings whose value I’m convinced is greater than it actually is, while drinking myself into a stupor and driving off my friends when I repeatedly pester them to save me from my crushing depression. Am I playing the game to win? Victory is all in the eye of the beholder, and I, my dear, am too drunk to behold anything anymore.

So yes. I’m winning.

hic

I don’t know whether capturing this element of being an early 20th century artist is intentional on the part of the game designers. With as much love and artistry as was put into designing each of my many, many vices, though, I imagine it must have been. However soul-crushing it must be for my little painter to, deep down in her heart of hearts, know that she is terrible at this, and yet still commit to the bohemian lifestyle, it’s great fun for me. It lets me, for the briefest of moments, pretend I’m a better artist than she is, and not a fool for plugging away at my own art that no one will ever see or care about.

Because I’m self-aware? Is that what makes me better? Or is it that I’m actually better? Okay, but my drinking habit hasn’t descended fully into alcoholism, and my depression controlled via talking, and I am still chock-full of passion and inspiration. I’m a better artist than her. I’m not - usually - stumbling around parks, lamenting the horrors of my life. I’m not - generally - driving off my friends by diving too hard into my mania. I’m not -

I’m not…

I’m…not.

A screenshot from Artist Life Simulator

Developer: Interactive Fate

Genre: Simulation

Year: 2022

Country: Estonia

Language: English

Play Time: Time Is A Product Of The Bourgeosie.

Youtube: https://youtu.be/zC9ZYoOxQUE